Great Communication Starts With Responsibility

April 15, 2020 Kim Carpenter

ARE YOU TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR COMMUNICATION STYLE?

A few years ago, I worked with the twenty-six-year-old CEO of a design start-up. He didn't have a ton of experience yet, but he was a real go-getter. As soon as he was able, he hired all of his friends, so the company felt like a little family. And just like a family, they were dysfunctional in their communication.

Despite the strong bonds of friendship and a ton of talent, the company wasn’t thriving financially. When I showed up, I saw a culture where no one communicated the hard stuff, and the CEO handled communication snags by taking everyone out for beers.

It didn’t occur to him to be curious about how his people felt, so he hadn’t created open, honest channels for communicating. He was doing the best he knew how, but he was more focused on getting projects done, and so sometimes his employees felt like an afterthought.

Leaders who want to create a family-like culture can focus too much on being liked, and not enough on direct, unbiased communication and feedback.

LEADERS ARE 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR COMMUNICATION

When I tell clients that they need to take 100% responsibility for their communication, they tend to shut down. I get it. The word “responsible” carries a lot of weight. But if your approach to giving feedback is to throw your thoughts out there over Slack and hope they land, you’re in for some trouble.
Taking responsibility doesn’t mean that you have to do everything yourself. It means you have to develop the “ability to respond.” That’s it. Sometimes responding takes resources. Use them. Call on your colleagues, HR, or a coach to ensure that the person you’re communicating with absorbs the information and feels confident to take the next steps.

TIPS TO BECOME A RESPONSIBLE COMMUNICATOR

As I wrote in my last post, Your Communication Style is Everything, developing the skills to roll with a wide range of communication styles doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process that involves a lot of trial and error. Here are a few tips to keep in mind as you get started:

Take a DISC Assessment: If you don’t know your preferred communication style, you’re flying blind. Explore your primary style and then learn how your team members tend to communicate.
Focus on the Person: Your employees are more than the sum of their tasks. Get curious about their day-to-day existence. Ask what problems they regularly face and then devise solutions together.
Practice Active Listening: Barking out orders will get you nowhere. Ask questions, respond when appropriate, and listen more than you talk. The most productive conversations are co-created.
Cultivate Empathy: Remind yourself that the person sitting across from you is a human being, and then put yourself in their shoes before you crucify them for having a different operating system than you do.
Encourage Transparency: Sometimes, it's the things we don't say that come back to bite us in the ass. Every tiny communication either builds or erodes trust, so encourage your employees to address problems as they happen.
Elevate the Conversation: Aim to work at what author Judith Glazer calls "Level Three" communication. Don't just "tell, sell, yell." Solicit feedback, offer input, and come to a big-picture agreement together.

HERE’S WHY THIS WORK IS SO CRITICAL

Bottom line: everything happens inside of communication. When your people start talking, they start doing the work too.

As soon as my design firm implemented weekly check-ins and regular reviews, their culture began to shift. They tripled in revenue that year, everyone got raises and there were several new hires.

Ten years later the founder called to let me know he’d successfully sold the company and wanted me to join their celebration call. It still makes me tear up a little to remember the camaraderie and excellence of that team.

So when communication breaks down, you have two options: you can clean house, hire a bunch of new people, and hope they do what you want. Or you can take responsibility for the mess, call everyone together, and find a way forward. I vote for option B, and I’d love to help you get there.