Evolving beyond Mars and Venus
When I was a young adult, I remember thinking that most nonfiction books that I picked up had something valuable to offer. That perception changed when I read John Gray’s “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.”
My boyfriend at the time eagerly read the book in a couple of sittings. He praised its accuracy and how validated he felt by it. (That relationship didn’t last long.)
After reading through a few chapters, I was so triggered that I threw the book across the room and never finished it.
In a recent article by Chief, titled "How the Mars vs. Venus Myth Continues to Impact Women," sociologist Jessica Calarco highlights how outdated stereotypes about men and women still impede progress.
In Gray's book, he advocated the notion that men and women are fundamentally different and should adhere to their "natural" roles. Despite how outdated this concept may seem to some, it continues to shape views on gender roles.
Calarco, who has studied family and education inequalities for years, found her insights particularly relevant during the pandemic. She observed that without a robust social safety net, women disproportionately shouldered the burden of scaling back their careers to care for children.
Having lived in countries such as Germany, Japan, and Canada, I've witnessed firsthand the comprehensive social safety nets that benefit BOTH men and women — including paid family leave, affordable childcare, and worker protections. Calarco aptly states, "While other countries have social safety nets, the U.S. has women.”
In her latest book, Holding It Together: How Women Became America’s Safety Net, Calarco examines the reasons why the U.S. trails behind other nations. She highlights the case of Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker, who recently praised his wife for prioritizing her role as a wife and mother over her career. This example underscores the persistence of outdated beliefs that uphold traditional gender roles, portraying men as breadwinners and women as caregivers.
However, modern research challenges this notion, indicating that men and women are not as different as these stereotypes imply. For instance, both men and women experience a decrease in testosterone levels when caring for children, heightening their sensitivity to the children's needs. This demonstrates that caregiving is not exclusively suited to women; men are equally capable of being nurturing given the opportunity.
At People at the Center©, we witness the impacts of these outdated beliefs in our work every day. As we coach leaders and organizations, we emphasize the significance of human-centered leadership – acknowledging and dismantling these stereotypes to foster more inclusive environments. Our World Changing Women© coaching program aims to empower women, supporting their success not only in their careers, but also in their personal lives.
The Mars/Venus misconception doesn’t just harm women; it hurts men as well. The expectation to conform to the ideal worker archetype can take a toll on men’s mental well-being and relationships. By debunking these myths and promoting policies such as paid family leave and accessible childcare, we can foster a more equitable society where everyone benefits.
Challenging these outdated gender roles is not just a women’s issue – it’s a leadership issue, a family issue, and a societal issue. Isn't it time we move beyond Mars and Venus and build a future where all genders have equal opportunities to thrive?
