Talking T.R.U.S.T. Part Three

Talking T.R.U.S.T. Part Three: Shared Goals + Testing Assumptions

In October, I wrote about a young tech company struggling to create a cohesive and psychologically safe work culture while running two offices in different cities. Despite operating under the same leadership, those offices had very different ideas about working, and they were continually in conflict.

There was a strong sense of “us against them” in all endeavors, which didn’t surprise me. When organizations lack trust, they end up with factions instead. Factions lead to black-and-white thinking and a lack of defined shared goals or mutual success. 

Not Everyone Can Be Right All of the Time

In her Harvard Business Review article, Your Brain is Hooked on Being Right, Judith Glaser writes, “When you argue and win, your brain floods with...adrenaline and dopamine, which makes you feel good, dominant, even invincible.” This is the same effect that many people experience when they gamble, shop, drink alcohol, do drugs, or [insert any other addictive behavior here].

"It's a feeling any of us would want to replicate," she says. And it's a massive obstacle to collaboration. To become truly innovative, we need a context for shared goals and mutual success. 

I gave the Glaser article to both IT offices and asked everyone to explore how the addiction to being "right" impacted outcomes. One high-level executive admitted that she was struggling to regain "control" of a team. "They question everything I say," she told me. "If I can't get them back in line, I'm going to look like a failure."

Mind the Reality Gap

As Simon Sinek says, "Leadership is not about being in charge; it is about taking care of those in your charge." My executive was so focused on being right and controlling her team that she'd forgotten how to empower them. And to make matters worse, she'd crafted a lot of assumptions about how they viewed her with zero proof.

I encouraged her to invite her people into a conversation and go in ready to test assumptions or as, Glaser puts it, “close the gaps in reality.” Doing so would require full transparency (there's that word again) from her. She had to start the conversation with, "Hey, I've been making up these stories about all of you, and I need you to tell me what's going on."

Testing Assumptions When You’re On Your Own

It's not easy to test your assumptions and look for reality gaps without help. One of my client companies created a process called The Voice of Reason. Whenever an employee feels triggered, they can initiate a conversation with a colleague using a standard questionnaire designed to challenge assumptions and free people from their never-ending mind movies.

But if you work alone, which, let’s face it, most of us do now, here are a few telltale signs that you're up the ladder of inference and into the realm of fiction over facts:

• Absolute Beliefs: Every situation comes with shades of gray. If you find yourself standing in "absolute certainty" about a person or problem, it's time to test your assumptions.

• No-Way Out Thinking: If you feel backed into a corner or like you're trapped for good in a terrible situation, take a breath and then take stock of what is literally happening at the moment.

• Creative Story-telling: Find yourself writing a compelling narrative that puts you in the victim or hero position? Check the facts. Or have someone else check them for you and assess what's on the page, not what's between the lines.

Once you know you’re making assumptions, give yourself a time out. If you’re living in a reality gap, the chances are good that you’re also experiencing an amygdala hijack. These periods of stress-hormone hyperactivity tend to subside in about 18 minutes if you take steps to calm your nervous system. Go for a walk, take a few deep breaths, do a guided meditation. Even a simple change of environment can calm you down quickly.

And remember, even if you’re working from home and can’t pop over to your colleague’s cube for a reality check, you can still pick up the phone. Call a friend and say, “Hey, here’s this wild story I’ve been making up. What’s your take?” Want a better option? Call your coach. And if you don’t have a coach, call me.

In 8 minutes or less, find out your Team Trust Index Score. Learn where your team is strong and where you need to put some additional energy toward strengthening trust!